"Fined…for spitting in the face of Blixen earlier in the season, [Rudolph] was the object of the fans' ire"

December 22nd, 2006

Brawl Erupts at Reindeer Games
Rudolph Suspended for Season
By Andy Borowitz

The epidemic of sports violence spread to the North Pole last night as a brawl erupted between fans and reindeer at this year's reindeer games, resulting in the ejection and suspension of Rudolph for the remainder of the season.

The games, a holiday classic that dates back to 1949, had a mostly uneventful history until 2002, the year that beer and other alcoholic beverages first became available for sale at the event.

Since then, fans say, the reindeer games have drawn increasingly unruly crowds who aggressively goad the hoofed creatures with catcalls and obscenities.

“Given how wasted the fans are, it's amazing that something like this didn't happen sooner,” said Harlan McDougal, a fan who makes the trip from Pittsburgh every year to see the reindeer play.

Rudolph, who was fined by the league for spitting in the face of Blixen earlier in the season, was the object of the fans' ire from early in the first period.

“Fans were shouting at him,” Mr. McDougal said. “I didn't hear everything they said, but let's put it this way — they were not shouting out with glee.”

After nearly two periods of such abuse, Rudolph had had enough, prancing into the stands and attempting to gore several fans with his antlers.

Mr. McDougal said that alcohol may have played a role in Rudolph's violent rampage.

“It was obvious that he had been drinking,” Mr. McDougal said. ?Did you check out his nose?”

Elsewhere, as part of a new plan to eradicate the insurgents, President Bush said he favors increasing the number of Taco Bells in Iraq

Interested in booking Andy Borowitz to speak at your next event?
Contact Greater Talent Network, America's Leading Exclusive Speakers Bureau.